The supermarket might provide the ham for the table and the ribbon to tie up boxes, but a designer purse or an XBox gift card won’t offer our kids the same valuable gifts that will keep hearts happy beyond the New Year.
This week, we adults are thinking about the gifts we will give our kids, grandkids, nieces and nephews. Give them a gift that will empower them throughout their lives. Teach them that when things get tough, they have the capacity to navigate the circumstances if they apply patience and problem solving. Demonstrate to them that life requires flexibility and might be uncomfortable sometimes, but that adversity is part of life. Emphasize that they have the internal strengths to manage what is going on and that you are proud of the courage they show when things do not go their way. Help them to view challenges as opportunities for learning and growth.
Teach them ways to deal with stress so they see difficulties as manageable and chances to become stronger. Focusing on their strengths will allow them to resist overwhelm and fear of things out of their control. Demonstrate problem solving skills and solution-focused thinking, such as helping them plan ahead. Planning strategies to manage the stressors of life gives everyone a sense of control and reduces anxiety. Even something seemingly simple, such as making a daily schedule for homework, chores, extracurriculars and hobbies, and downtime. Add a plan for bedtime and sleep hygiene as well because adequate sleep is essential for normal brain function, stress management, and reflection on challenges and other daily experiences.
Attending parties with seemingly bottomless buffets, consuming tin upon tin of cookies, candy, and popcorn, and exchanging material gifts with those around us are all fun experiences we grow accustomed to during the holiday season. However, by allowing young people to experience situations in which they can use the skills they’ve learned, even if–and sometimes especially if–there are stumbles and setbacks along the way, we can help them build resiliency and confidence and come out the other side as better people.
Whether or not they recognize it in the moment, those will be the best gifts they receive. Experiencing challenges and reflecting on how we problem-solve and how we adapt also allows us to better understand and gain empathy for others going through difficult times.
Of course we still love to see their faces when opening the silly or useful or exciting new thing we bought them, but those gifts are temporary. This year give them the gift of learning to help others. You help them to manage life and all it throws at them–and they watch you help them. Be an example to them on growth, empathy, and making a difference in the lives of others.
Research shows that helping another person who really needs your help is a powerful way to boost your mental well-being. Try making a list of the people your youth can do something for over the rest of the school /holiday break, and help at least one person each day.
Have a conversation with your child about:
- how helping someone makes them feel and
- how helping made a difference for the person you helped.
Enjoy the gifts, food, and camaraderie of the holiday season, but remember that behind the baking and buying are lessons to be learned, values to be adopted, and love to grown and share.
Resources
- https://www.thelilyjoproject.com/2020/12/14/a-different-christmas-10-mental-health-tips-for-the-2020-holiday-season/
- https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/kitchener-waterloo/jennifer-moss-happiness-column-smiling-1.5678111
- https://newbeginningsfamilylaw.com/compliments-can-change-your-day/
- https://www.leidenpsychologyblog.nl/articles/world-compliment-day-the-science-behind-praise
- https://kwiklearning.com/kwik-tips/why-compliments-are-amazing-for-your-brain-and-the-world/
- https://medium.com/@muthiahuda/what-happens-to-your-brain-when-someone-appreciates-you-6af4632abdbb
- https://hbr.org/2021/02/a-simple-compliment-can-make-a-big-difference
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evidence-based-living/202109/the-psychology-compliments-nice-word-goes-long-way
